Sharing the Work: Dividing Caregiving Tasks Among Family
Create a plan where you name tasks, including the people who take care of each one, and include a backup and a frequency for every task.
Make your plan specific
The more specific a task is, the easier it is for someone to take it on. A clear ask tells the person what is involved, when it happens, and how much of their time it asks for, which makes saying yes straightforward. Here are some questions that can help:
- "Can you take Mom to her cardiology appointment next Wednesday?"
- "Can you place her grocery order every Sunday evening?"
- "Can you call the pharmacy about the refill this week?"
- "Can you check the smoke detector batteries when you visit?"
- "Can you be the local emergency contact while I am travelling?"
Tips on running a family meeting
A short call, by phone or video, is a good way to build the plan together, and it helps to keep meeting on a regular rhythm so the plan stays current as things change. Sending the agenda round in advance gives everyone a chance to arrive prepared. Here is a sample agenda that can help you create a plan together:
- What has changed since the last meeting? What each person has noticed about your loved one since you last spoke.
- What does the older adult want? Their own preferences are the best place to start.
- What are the recurring needs? Read the list aloud and add anything missing.
- Who is assigned to each task? Agree the owner and the backup together, in the meeting.
- What is still uncovered? Anything without an owner is a good candidate for paid or community help.
- When will you meet again? Put the next one on the calendar before you hang up.
It is worth including the older adult unless there is a specific reason not to. Plans tend to go better when they are made with someone rather than about them.
A sample list
| Task | Owner | Backup | How often |
|---|---|---|---|
| Check-in call | Family member A | Family member B | Weekly |
| Medical appointments and transport | Family member B | Local friend | As needed |
| Prescription refills | Family member A | Family member C | Monthly |
| Groceries and household supplies | Family member C | Neighbor | Weekly |
| Bills and paperwork | Family member A | Family member B | Monthly |
| Home safety and maintenance | Local contact | Family member C | Quarterly |
| First call in an emergency | Nearby relative | Neighbor | As needed |
Keep the list where everyone can see the current version: a shared document, a shared calendar, or a pinned message in the family group chat.
Looking for help beyond the family
If some tasks on your list are still looking for an owner, there is usually more help nearby than families expect, much of it free or low-cost. Building local support nearby is a good place to start, with neighbors and nearby friends alongside community and paid options, including how to find your local Area Agency on Aging.
Next: what to do when no one answers
This information is for general educational purposes and is not medical, legal, financial, or employment advice. In an emergency, call 911 or your local emergency number.