What to Do When You Can't Reach an Older Parent
Consider making a plan with loved ones. Start with these four questions: how long you wait before acting, who you call and in what order, who can physically get to the door, and when it becomes an emergency call.
Having a written plan provides guidance in an emergency, so the family can put its attention on the person rather than on working out who does what.
Questions your plan can answer
- How long do you wait? A specific interval is easier to act on.
- Who makes the first call, and who do they call after that?
- Who lives close enough to be at the door within about twenty minutes?
- Is there a key, a lockbox, or a code, and who has it?
- At what point do you call emergency services rather than trying again?
- Who can speak to medical staff once someone is in the system?
- Who takes care of pets, and who locks up the house?
- Who tells the rest of the family, so nobody else starts calling?
- Who takes over if the main person is travelling or unwell?
Sample plan
If we can't reach Dad: Call his mobile, then his landline, twice over thirty minutes. If there is no answer, call Maria next door on 555-0142 and ask her to knock. If Maria can't reach him, or sees anything that worries her, call your local emergency number and describe the situation. Then post in the family group so nobody else starts calling. If I am unreachable, my sister does all of this instead.
Print it, put a copy on the older adult's fridge, and give a copy to everyone named in it, including the neighbor.
If you believe someone needs immediate help, call your local emergency number (911 in the US).
Keep the plan updated
Check the plan periodically and update it if someone moves or changes phone numbers. Share it with your loved one and talk through what is in it.
What a plan is for
A plan like this shortens the time between something happening and someone finding out, which is a good thing to have. It sits alongside rather than in place of emergency services and medical advice. If you find yourself weighing the bigger question of whether living alone is still the right arrangement, a geriatric care manager or the older adult's own clinician is a good place to take it.
Related: building local support
This information is for general educational purposes and is not medical, legal, financial, or employment advice. In an emergency, call 911 or your local emergency number.